Well, my dears this week has been a blurs. Everyday has been a slightly happy Sunday. Today I returned from clearing my head. Since Tuesday night I had been staying at "Hotel R," while he was away with family, not my term so get off it. During this stay I read a lot, wrote a lot, I met with a friend for lunch, where we spoke about how porn, the sex that is all around us, has murdered romance, and how shocking it is that no-one has caught on. I made a God what were you thinking decision about a person. It was a good few days.
But, given that is was Christmas Eve I had to return home, and upon arrival I decided it was time to put up the tree. I had started days ago -- but deserted the box in the living rooom -- It was time. So, on went a pair of gloves and out came a bottle of red. We don't do real trees, the branches went on easily. Then, text messages happened, and I was off to dinner with a friend.
Dinner was much fun, we exchanged information, and this friend invited me to a midnight mass. She isn't Catholic, and neither am I, but it reminded me of 'Home Alone,' so I committed.
Once home, it was time to dress the tree with lights. There were only two strings of the color lights because the other four refused to work. I truly adore the color lights, but there was not enough to cover the tree, which was when the white lights came out. The outdoor white lights, you know those icicle ones? Those very ones. Ha. I did the big no, both. Then it was the ornaments. I hung one on, then took a sip, hung three, another sip, then I simply just lied the ornaments on the branches -- hanging them seemed too tedious.
When my parents returned from dinner my mother took one look at the tree and gave her best attempt to be supportive, "Ah Good job."
I cheerfully responded, "Thanks," and kept on with my business. I had 'Jersey Shore' on. Three things: One, it's trash. Two, I love it. Three, none of those fools are from New Jersey, that show is a misrepresentation. Anyway, the tree was dones, I had my Santa hat on as I sat four feet away from the television for as long as I could before mass time.
When I got to my friend's home it was, "Merry Christmas!" Then, "You aren't wearing that hat in church right?"
Me: "Why not?"
Friend: "It's sacrilegious! You can't wear a Santa hat in church!"
Me: "Fine, fine, I'll take it off."
Friend: "Were you drinking? I can smell it on your breath"
Me: "Yess." (Smile)
Once we got there we dipped our hands into the little stale fountain near the entrance. I put the water on my forehead like they do in the movies. (It's true I was catholic at one time, but this was before my memory kicked in.) Once past the fountain we sat in a pew towards the back. The congregation was singing some song, so I attempted to find it in their book of hymns to sing along. No luck.
Please don't take any offense to this if you're Catholic, but your church is boring as hell. Whyyyyy does thee priest talk in songggg? And I want to know how is everyone cued as to when to stand, kneel, and sit? I lost count of how many times I stood up. And what is the nose thing -- the touching to one's forehead, then nose, then forehead, then something else. I think that's new. But I participated or tried to keep up. At one point I bowed my head and said, "Please, God forgive me for not taking this seriously," and this is not me mocking, I meant it.
When we were asked to turn our faces to the ground I knelled straightly and scanned the room, and thought, who are these people? And what really brought them here, habit?
While driving home I realized I was sobered by the experience and thought, how could you show up at a church service not sober? That's called coming full circle.
Yeah it hasn't felt like Christmas or the day after. (Still in Wilton)