Where it began.

Since my mother has arrived here, in Florida, she has not been much for fun. All she wants to do is furnish condo. I guess it's the responsible thing to do when one doesn't have any furniture, but one can only take so much. After the couch arrived, the plates were purchased, and the cable man came over to say hello, I decided it was time she did something else. (Also, since I may be leaving soon -- we should spend quality time.)

So, Miami it was.

Shortly after we arrived we stopped off at Novecento, an Argentine restaurant for lunch. (There's one other in the US, of course it's in Manhattan. New Yorkers, go.) When we followed the hostess to our table I heard the buzz of Spanish all about me. When I scanned the room, the attractive Spanish men in suits were noticed, I mean really it was shocking. I thought, K should be here. (A dear friend who finds white men boring and rhythm-less.) Once at the table I asked my mother to sit first, the woman is particular about where she sits. She sat on the booth side, I sat in the chair facing the window. This was okay because my mother gets the better seat. (Boys, if I give you the choice, it's a test. Are you a jackass, or a gentleman?)

While we studied our menus, "Janie the men here are gooood looking."

Me: "Sh. I know."

Mother: "You should be sitting here. You want to switch?"

Me: "That's alright. I'm okay over here."

The waitress came over. We ordered. She left.

Mother: "I don't get it? I pay and the waitress only looks at you? Even the women do it!"

Me: "That's not true, she looked at you a little." (laughing.)

Mother: "Yeah. Enjoy your youth."

Me: "Mom, stoppp." (This always gives me the creeps.)

Moments later.

Mother: "O my God Janinha that man, that man, (she was exasperated) he looks like my old Argentine boyfriend. Look...Look!"

I looked.

Me: "Not bad. How old were you when you dated?" (checking)

Mother: "28. Are you sure you don't want switch?"

Me: "Fine, let's switch."

Soon after this the food was delivered. The tuna steak I ordered definitely tasted too fishy. What to do, I knew I was not going to eat it. I explained the yuck taste to my mother.

Mother: "Just tell the waitress it's terrible."

Me: "No, I can't say that. It's rude."

Mother: "Want me to say it? At my age I can say anything I want and get away with it. That's what Gil says." (Gil is my mother's older Jewish boyfriend. No, he isn't her boyfriend, but he hopes.)

Me: "Umm you're not at that age yet. Maybe Gil is. But you still have many years of being accountable for things that come out of your mouth."

She smiles.

When the waitress returned to check on us, I humbly asked if the tuna was known for having a fishy taste. She knew where I was going, and met me with a, "Would you like something else.?" (You see, I am a huge changer of the meal when ordering. I want everything on the side, and on most occasions I enjoy switching up one or two parts of the meal, but I never send back.) I responded, "Can we," with near tears in my eyes. She said yes as if it mattered just as much to her. In fin, there was a fish switch.

After our meal my mother and I split up for a couple of hours. I brought my roller blades along since I thought it would be a fun way to explore the city. Of course I got lost. My awesome sense of direction lead me to a highway. At the point of, no where else to go, I waved over a Silver Mercedes. A man rolled down his window, and I shouted, "Which way is town?"

Man in car: "What do you want to see? Coconut Groove is that way, (he pointed.) and Miami downtown area is that way." (pointed)

Me: "Which is better?" (cars honked.)

Man in car: "That way!" (He pointed to Miami's downtown area.)

Me: "Then I go that way! Thanks!"

"That way" took me to the same area of the restaurant. There were things that I had not yet seen, but at that moment, I realized how small Miami was.

At a certain time I met with my mother, we fed the meter more money, then set off to Starbucks for a coffee and a chat before heading back. It did not feel like time to leave yet. On route to Starbucks my mother told me about this "hunk" that she met, that even I would like. While we head into Starbucks she made a comment about a man seated at an outside table. Then it was another comment about another man that was seated inside. I had to say something.

Me: "Enough, stop checking out men!" (The woman in front of us looked back.)

My Mother laughs.

Mother: "What? Let your mother have fun."

I ignored her.

After we picked up the lattes from the end of the barista bar, we sat. The second man my mother commented on was in view and I looked. He was tall, he was handsome. I had to stare for an extra second due to the shock of agreeing on a man with my mother. We tend to have different, opposite types. Janie look at that man, Mom ew, is usually how it goes. Well, I looked for too long because my mother took note.

Mother: "Why didn't you sit at the table near him - You could have talked to him more easily."

Me: " I don't want to talk to him. I was only looking."

Mother: "I told you he was a hunk."

Me: "Mom, no-one uses that term anymore."

Mother: "What?"

Me: "Nothing."

My mother turns around to look at him.

Me: "Stop looking at him. Mom, stopp."

Mother: "He's not married. He has a free finger."

Me: "O my God your completely crazy."

Mother: "Go over and talk to him."

Me: "Okay, he's cute, but there is no chance that I'm going to get up..and go over there."

Mother: "Do you want me to go there and talk to him for you." (She started to move.)

Me: "Stay still. Do not move."

She really had a great laugh.

Me: "How's that coffee? Good?"

Mother: "Good, good. You want to try?"

Tall & Handsome begins to pack up his laptop and other belongings.

Me: "Thank God. He's leaving."

Mother: "Meninha go talk to him before he leaves."

Me: "Nooo."

Mother: "What are you afraid of? What can you lose?"

Me: "I'm not afraid -- I just don't care enough. The last thing I need right now is another guy."

Mother: "You're scared."

Me: "I'm not scared." ( I knew what was happening, it annoyed me all the same.)

Mother: "It's okay if you're scared."

Me: "You think I'm scared?" I got up. She looked up with a devious devious grin. I walked over to Tall & Handsome's table.

Me: "Hello, I'm Jane, could you tell me where I-95 is?"

Tall & Handsome blankly looked up.

Me: "Actually if you want the truth -- I just need you to talk to me for a minute so my mother can stop bothering me about coming over to talk to you."

Tall & Handsome was quite touched.

Tall & Handsome: "Sure, I'm Eric. (He held his hand out for me to shake it.) Have a seat."

I sat.

Eric: "So, are you from around here?"

Me: "No, I'm from NJ. My mother just moved here. I drove her here."

Eric: "How do you like Miami?"


We sat there for 20 or so minutes and chat about the locations he has lived at, I expressed how small I found Miami to be, & he agreed. There was more chat about Boston and New York, he asked for my e-mail, I told him, then shortly after that he said, "I think your mother is leaving." I turned, he was correct, she was on the move. "That means she's coming over here. Well, it was nice meeting you." I stood, we shook hands and I took leave to look for my vanished mother.

I found her in moments standing at the coffee bar, asking for a refill. When I approached her she started to talk. I think she asked, did he tell you any fun places to go, or, what happened? She spoke for a few minutes as I stared into her face, until I said,

"I don't know what you're saying? I can't think!"

When I said this my mother pointed over my shoulder, at Eric.

Eric: "Hey, I just wanted to say it was nice meeting you." (Shakes my hand again. Then to my mother.) Hello, I'm Eric. (Eric something, he said a last name, but I have no idea what he said? He then shook my mother's hand.)

My Mother: "I'm Maria ***** -- It's nice to meet you."

Me: "Okay, I'll see you later." (I was having a difficult time keeping up.)

Eric smiled and turned to leave, then he turned back and said something about an e-mail? I don't know what he specifically said, I only kept smiling and waving like some fool.

After he left, my mother: "I think he heard you say you couldn't think."

Me: "You think he heard me?!." (I laugh.)

Mother: "What happened?"

Me: "I don't know. I don't know. Let me think about it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~This is the end of that story, well, we went to a few art galleries, than went home. But I know I have to explain this one.

I never lose my cool, my knees never tremble. This was only because man always comes to me. I have ne -ver approached a man. Is this what men go through? Because there is a serious high that comes with this success. And, wow, it must suck to get turned down.

But enough, this is longer than expected. And yes, my mother is like this.