Thursday, October 29, 2009

An after-thought

Now that the emotions have fallen asleep, I have had time to think clearly.

When I attempt to pin point what got me to sadness, I realize that it was not something that H specifically said or didn't. Or maybe it was what he said that triggered an emotion? What I am sure of, is that for what ever reason I decided to be honest with this one, and that I played with the others. Maybe played isn't the right word. It was more of a splashing around in the shallow parts of the sea. Right, it was playing. Apologies to any others who are reading. When one ends a long relationship things must be tested. This surely does not discredit lovely moments, but in some sense it seemed as if I were participating in a series of surreal adventures. (Calling all wandering minds -- This is not me hinting at flesh matters) So, yes, at this point I took a chance at reality, which resulted in dashed hopes. At which point something inside said, well that was not fun, it may be time to return to Wonderland. And what if I don't wanna? This was the sadness.

One last note before I go. I am not a silly girl. It is silly to refuse to take one's gloves off in a sweltering room. So maybe I was, but I realize I can do without the gloves for awhile.

Now I sleep.

~~~~~~The Edited Version~~~~~~~

It may be time to be a little honest about a few things. The text above is a shade of the truth. Yes, there was an H, and there were dashed hopes. Was I done splashing in the shallow waters? Not so much. The months of July - December were a bit more than strange for me. I had been dealing with a bit of relationship withdrawal, having a steady boyfriend for nearly 6 years will do that.

So, I took to double booking. I thought, well there's an opening, I'd better do something about it. In case we aren't on the same page, double booking is the scheduling of two dates back to back. I'd say good-night to one guy, hop the subway, or whatever, and meet up with someone else. At one point my closest girlfriends expressed their concern, so I stopped talking about. Yeah, I'm kinda mysterious.

I eventually ended the madness when I couldn't take it anymore. It made me nuts, as well as eating up all of my time. None of it went anywhere, I didn't allow anyone to get close enough for that. Although there were a few surprise attack kisses. One thing that stuck was a guy expressing that, "You kiss like you mean it." How to continue without sounded like a witch? Did I mean it in that sense? No. But, there is no excuse to kiss anyone badly, is there? Kissing is an art, and I am a supporter of the arts.

Anyway, I stopped. I stoppedddd. And as of late, I have been traveling with care. I have what's important to me in my sights, and I am most happy to say it isn't a male.

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