Day 18

Since the rough draft isn't half bad I'm going to copy straight from the journal.

I'm sitting in the Sistine Chapel area. I guess I feel somewhat moved. I may be more moved by what Anthony P. said. I'm growing and healing. Some people are lights, he is one of them.

Derek left this morning. It's awful bidding mental good-byes. This mornings hug lasted longer than expected, not the embrace, the sentiment. He gave me one of his shirts to remember him by. I don't need the shirt for that, but it's comforting. I feel as if I can feel all of my cells, they're damp & slightly dripping emotions of this journey from my pinkie toes. It feels alright.

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Okay an Asian woman just took a picture of me?

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The pigeon -- sad face. There was this sickly pigeon. He was skinny, hurt, alone. Within a few seconds of noticing the pigeon, three Italian teenage boys came along. One decided to carelessly kick it before I could stop him. I rushed over saying, "NO...no!" They chose not to acknowledge me. They left as I approached closer and by this point I had decided I would guide the pigeon to the nearby fence for safety, it would be better than out here in the open.

Mr. Pigeon made it! I took a seat nearby because I was not ready to leave him just yet. I looked off into another direction for a few minutes and when I turned - I saw the pigeon being dragged behind the fence by a seagull. I quickly got up to see what I could do, but when I got around to the other side there was a handful of people taking pictures of the attach. I was horrified. I turned around and went back to my seat with tears in my eyes.

So what if he was a pigeon? He deserved more than that. I'm upset over these reasons: The pigeon is a living being, yet a teen felt he had the right to kick it. And worse a group of bystanders watched unblinkingly as it was being shook to death. Another reason being,  this pigeon and I were both alone. I'm not lonely, thank God, but I know the feeling. I also know that I am physically alluring enough to never feel too lonely. I'm also aware that doors open around me due to the face. Would Brendan invite me in if I were a crater faced thin haired girl? No. I know that personality can be a sharp card to play, but most often it's the face that gets non-English speaking strangers to help at every which way. Anyway bringing this back to the pigeon - Why should the pigeon suffer because it isn't appealing to the eye? They can't help the neck twitching or the fact that they have to eat to stay alive.  Hello we all do. If pigeons looked like sparrows or doves doors would open for them as well. That's it for now.

Stupid boy.