On an evening last week I met a friend of a friend for coffee. Yes, this was a male person, but since my mind only registers friends nowadays, I refused to bother with any other thought.
When he sat down for coffee, we spoke briefly, then decided to go some where else to eat. When we arrived at an eatery in the West Village we were lead to an enclosed garden area. There were candle lit tables for two, and the waitress that seated us enthusiastically said, "Ah a romantic dinner for two."
At this I responded, "No, no, this isn't romantic." M did not hear me. He also did not here me mumble, "I am not prepared for this," as I sat down.
While I ate it was established that I am an unreliable person when it comes to the dating. At the present time I am focused on securing employment, O, and myself. Anything more simply takes up too much energy. He repeated his own version of this to me, which comforted me about the connection between us.
When I was invited to an art exhibit the following week I promised my presence at 6:30 P.M. I arrived somewhat late. (8:00 P.M.) M was a tad not sober and not very happy about my tardiness.
M: "Where were you, you're one and a half hours late."
Me: "Well, I haven't had the best day, so I went to visit a friend, and the time got away from me."
M: "You should have called to say you couldn't come."
Me: "You're right I'm sorry. I should have called to say I couldn't make it."
M: "I had to talk to that old lady forever -- I told a friend you were coming, I looked like an idiot."
Me: "Well, weren't you going to be here regardless? I thought you were going to be here with people?"
M muttered something.
Me: "I can go if this is going to be a problem."
M: "No, stay. Now you have to stay at least an hour and a half since you made me wait that long."
~This may sound like another classic late Jane moment, but in truth I was having a hard time with life. It was one of those days when all things go wrong. I lost a glove, (What the hell am I going to do with one glove?) I wasn't as funny as I had hoped to be on an interview, plus other small annoyances. Due to these reasons I decided to visit a person who I can communicate with san speaking. So, I stayed until the down & out feeling passed.
At nine something we left since the exhibit was over. The majority of myself wanted to quit the night, but I knew I couldn't, so I stayed on. I brought M to Whole Foods where I purchased a lemon tart. (So good!) And I accompanied M to Crumbs where I chose his cupcake for him. (He wanted me to!) I chose brownie, it 'twas yums.
While we ate M asked what my favorite movies were. My responses being, 'When Harry Met Sally,' and 'You've Got Mail.' At this M's response was:
M: "Ah so you're a romantic."
Me: "No. Maybe. But I'm only romantic by myself."
Four or so minutes after my suave remark I noticed that M was giving me "the look," the lean in, this is our moment look, and I immedately looked away. Then half a minute after I stood and said, "Well, it's time I get on with my life. I've got to get home."
M rose, "Can't you stay ten more minutes, five more minutes?"
Me: "Huh for what? Nooo I've gotta go home."
M: "Should I call you, or will you call me?"
Me: "You can call me, (pause) or I'll call you."
I get it. I finally get it. I cannot be friends with a straight man without complications. (There is one exception to that rule.) I have tried over and over, but all streets end at the same destination. When I say, I'm uninterested in dating at the moment, that some how translates into, I'm not interested, but perhaps if you try I will change my mind. No, do not attempt at waiting me out, because that is not how I run my business.